Al-Itab bayn al-Asdiqa
- Author died
- -
- Editions
- Without publisher (King Fahd National Library cataloging - Riyadh)
Al-Itab bayn al-Asdiqa (Reproach Between Friends) is an Arabic treatise by Abu Nusayya al-Tamimi (Ali ibn Muhammad Abu Nusayya al-Tamimi) on the ethics, etiquette, and social dynamics of reproach and admonition among companions, first published in 1432 AH / 2011 CE.
Background and Purpose
The author dedicated the work to his mother. In the introduction, he explains that he was prompted to compose the treatise following an incident where a companion believed fabricated rumors that the author had satirized him. Rather than confronting or reproaching the author to clarify the matter, the companion publicly defamed him, justifying his reluctance to confront by appealing to the notion of minimizing reproach among peers. Abu Nusayya considered this an error in judgment and a misuse of social etiquette, prompting him to author a dedicated guide clarifying the proper role of constructive admonition in preserving friendship.
Scope and Contents
The book investigates the concept of ʿitāb (reproach or friendly admonition), distinguishing between hostile reproach directed toward enemies—which can involve aggression and confrontation—and reproach between friends, which is defined, following al-Khalil ibn Ahmad, as an address of reverence and the mutual sharing of hidden grievances.
The author treats reproach as a delicate, double-edged tool in social relationships: excessive blaming breeds aversion and hostility, whereas entirely suppressing necessary reproach can lead to estrangement and unresolved rancor. The work discusses key principles and rules, including:
- Reserving Reproach for Critical Moments: Reproach should not be directed at every minor fault, but reserved for serious misunderstandings where friendship is at stake.
- Limiting Reproach to Close Friends: Admonition is meant for genuine friends whose goodwill is valued and whose return is hoped for, rather than those whose affection is uncertain or wearisome.
- Avoiding Past Grievances: The admonisher should not bring up forgiven past errors or repeat grievances, as doing so undermines genuine tolerance.
- Controlling Anger and Exercising Gentleness: The author emphasizes mitigating anger during confrontation, citing prophetic guidance on suppressing fury and displaying gentleness (rifq), warning that harsh accusations only provoke defensiveness.
- Concord and Apology: A successful reproach is aimed at eliciting clarification or a sincere apology and restoring harmony, rather than humiliating the companion.
The treatise concludes with a summary list of guidelines for managing disputes, highlighting the importance of verifying facts, favoring gentle hinting before explicit reproof, offering gifts or kind words, and accepting apologies wholeheartedly.
Sources and Style
The book draws upon a wide array of classical and contemporary literary, religious, and behavioral references. Alongside verses from the Qur'an and prophetic hadiths, the author cites classical Arabic poetry—such as lines by Bashshar ibn Burd, Ibn al-Rumi, al-Buhturi, and Ibn Zurayq al-Baghdadi—as well as adab maxims and observations from scholars and writers like Ibn Hazm, Muhammad al-Khidr Husayn, and Dale Carnegie.
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